Books Resource Guide

How to Choose Pre-Written Wedding Vows

Choosing pre-written wedding vows is something many brides and grooms take very seriously. They are the spoken words that echo through the church and solidify their marriage. If you are choosing pre-written wedding vows, you have options from the traditional “I dos” to the nontraditional, funny vows with their own modern twist.

What You Need To Know

• Your wedding vows don’t have to be written by you to make them personal. When choosing pre-written wedding vows for your ceremony, make sure that the words resonate with you and who you are and what you would like to communicate to your spouse.
• Many couples choose to incorporate the traditional question-and-answer (“I do”) vows into their ceremony, and save personally-written, sentimental vows for an intimate time after the ceremony.

Steps

1. Decide on whether you want to use the traditional vows that most couples use. These vows are spoken by the preacher and include a series of questions: “Do you, (groom), take (bride) to be your lawfully wedded wife … for richer and for poorer, til death do us part?” They are succinct and say what needs to be said; for most couples they are all that is needed. They are also easier because there is no memorization required.
2. You can also choose to use response vows, which include more speaking on the part of the bride and groom. These vows are similar to the traditional “question and answer” vows; however the bride and groom repeat phrases instead of just saying “I do.” These vows are used by brides and grooms who are comfortable speaking in front of people. They can be more romantic and elegant, because the bride and groom are more involved in the reading of the vows.
3. Find nontraditional vows that include humor, such as “To clean up after and surrender the remote to …” These vows can be a hit if they are read at the right types of ceremonies. Make copies of each vow, and read them out loud. Decide if they truly sum up everything that needs to be said. Ask yourself if there are any other vows you truly want spoken. If so, write down what you think is missing and continue your search to find vows that include what it is you want to say. Also consider how you and your spouse-to-be will feel about these nontraditional vows.
4. Gather four or five pre-written vows, and carefully read them all again. Speak to your spouse-to-be about the vows, and talk to friends about them. Ask what they used and how they think it affected their ceremony, if at all. Sometimes, the vows are not really the most important part of the ceremony, but for others they must be perfect.
5. Make a final decision based on how both you are your fiance feel about your various vow options. It may require a compromise in some cases. If your spouse is not comfortable with the nontraditional vows, then it is best to stick to the traditional ones. Be sure both of you are happy with the choice. If one of you is not comfortable with speaking the response vows, then stick to the simple question-and-answer vows.

Tips and Warnings

• If you are having trouble selecting vows, ask your clergy member or ceremony officiant for some ideas.